Changes.

I sat down tonight to erase this blog, as the now dated rants and raves of a guy trying to find his way are embarrassing viewed through the lens of time. But I can't bring myself to. I realize that they are all part of my journey, and deleting them would be like throwing away an old journal, and somehow someday I might want to look back as an old man at the stranger who poured himself shamelessly out into the e-universe, hoping that someone would be able to make sense of it all, not realizing that the only person who ever would is the same older man. (And really, I can count the number of people who've read this on one hand.)

As I near 37, I realize that others see things in me that I don't. Things that frankly feel silly to list: confidence, honesty, reality, charm, attractiveness, funny...Conversely, I see things that others don't see but feel infinitely more real: insecurity, loneliness, arrogance, fat, bald, nearsighted, shy.

For as long as I can remember, I've assumed that I am right, and they are wrong---I've fooled the external world. There you are, arrogance!

Now I challenge myself. What if they are right and I am wrong?

Maybe it is time to give myself the credit I give the world. Assume the best, observe without judgement, and let it be what it is.

Let me be who I am.